I want to feel that all-consuming anger take a hold of me until I can bear no more.

I want to feel my lungs on fire, screaming until they explode.

I want to feel that gut wrenching in my stomach, twisting and turning until I’m nauseous.

I want to feel my heart sinking like a stone, pulling me down with a thud.

I want to feel the blood dripping from my knuckles as I try to take a chunk out of the wall.

I want to feel the scrapes on my knees as I fall to the floor in defeat.

I want to feel all of it.

As eventually the anger will dissipate.

As eventually I will fall silent after being heard.

As eventually I will vomit and the feeling of relief will come.

As eventually my heart will break, but the pieces will be put back together.

As eventually all my wounds will heal.

 As eventually I will find my feet again.

Because basically they are better than feeling nothing at all.

  7:06 am  |   January 23 2011   |  4 notes   |  View comments  

I remember watching this and thinking, how true and I wish I had the balls to say that to him.

  6:43 am  |   January 12 2011   |  3 notes   |  View comments  

“

You turn around and life’s passed you by
You look to ones you love to ask them why
You look to those you love to justify
You turned around and life’s passed you by
Passed you by again.

And late last night
Makes up her mind
Another fight
Left behind
There goes the fear again.

”

— There Goes The Fear Again - Doves

  6:11 am  |   January 12 2011   |  2 notes   |  View comments  

How did I get here?

How do I still feel lonely, especially in such a busy place like this?

How did I lose myself and become so dependent on someone?

How can I call it dependence when they are never there?

How have I allowed convenience and routine to rule my life?

How did I end up falling for someone else, yet can still be with another?

How can anyone even love me?

How can these feelings go away?

Just please tell me how.

  6:03 am  |   January 12 2011   |  7 notes   |  View comments  

I am…all the time. Confused about myself, confused about my heart, confused about where I’m heading, confused by people, confused by society, confused even about what I want to eat right now.

I wish there was a website to help make those decisions…

For know this website will do. I like reading other peoples blog, with similar problems or even just completely random things. Makes it less…lonely you could say, so just wanted to say thanks.

  12:28 pm  |   January 9 2011   |  1 note   |  View comments  

I’m just like everyone else on here, trying to fill a void inside myself.

I guess I thought I needed someone else to fill it, that they would be my missing piece, now I’m just wondering if I’m with them for convenience, or more likely habit. That makes me sound like an awful person, and I can guarantee I’m not. It’s just lately I only get a sense of happiness and satisfaction when I do something myself, the most recent when it turns out I am actually good at something. It may only be something small but I cannot explain how wonderful it was to be happy with myself for the first time in years, well it seems like it.

You see I was happy, well you would say happy, I guess as happy as a teenager could be. But then I broke and I had to grow up. I fixed myself, well I thought I had. I found an outlet for all that anger, that sorrow. Three years it took. Three god damn hard, but fun years. And away to university. I thought I could give my heart to someone again.

Ha…turns out I didn’t have a heart to give away at all. It’s still in all those tiny, little pieces. That feeling of being back there again was hard and brought me down. 

Yet I think I may have found away to mend it. It will just take time to get all those tricky shards back together, maybe with a few cuts along the way. Until then though I will have his heart, it doesn’t fit but I guess for now it will do.

  4:22 am  |   January 8 2011   |  View comments  

“They spoil every romance by trying to make it last forever.”

— Oscar Wilde

  7:32 pm  |   December 29 2010   |  2 notes   |  View comments